Find My Way Back to You
by ruubydaly
Summary: Peeta never got hijacked. Proper Mockingjay reunion.
1. Chapter 1

**how mockingjay shOULD HAVE BEEN**

**disclaimer: Suzanne Collins ain't me and I ain't her**

"Peeta."

I look up, a little startled by the voice. It was sympathetic and urgent. This isn't the way people here usually talk to me. I try to focus on the man, but my vision blurs slightly. Should I recognize him? I don't think he's wearing the Capitol uniform, which confuses me.

I must look hopelessly lost because the man clears his throat to explain.

"My name is Boggs. We're here from District Thirteen, and we came to get you out of here. There isn't time to explain anything else. We need to move," he says quickly, gesturing for me to get up.

The only thought to go through my head right about now is _uuuuum_. District 13? I know it exists underground and I know that's where the rebels are, I took a beating after I warned them about the Capitol attack, but there's no way I'm escaping. Hope was gone a long time ago. I left it behind in that arena. Plus, Snow told me I'd never get out. I believed him.

Other people appear behind Boggs. I notice Gale among them. What is he doing here, on a rescue mission for me?

"Where is Katniss?" I ask. The memories are like bullets, they shoot their way back into my head as I say her name. The Quell, kissing her that last time, hearing her voice and not being able to find her, and then being lifted into a hovercraft without even a last look at her face. I didn't get one last sideways glance at her dark gray eyes to help me remember her. I've thought about her constantly, but I haven't said her name out loud in a while. When I was interrogated, I desperately tried not to say anything except that I didn't know a thing about what they were asking. I was under the impression I was going to die here.

The man, Boggs, huffs out an impatient breath. "Not here. You can see her when we get back to Thirteen. But right now we have to hurry. There is _no_ time." Boggs answers. He grabs my arm roughly, and pulls me off the ground. We run down a long hallway full of windowless doors before reaching an elevator. I was blindfolded and only half-conscious when they dragged me here, and I have been whenever they bring me out of my room, so I don't know what buttons to push or anything.

Boggs' hand still grips my arm. Only now, when I focus on it, do I realize that it's throbbing with pain. Typical. My arms are burned and cut and bruised to the point where I can't even move them without screaming, let alone my whole damn body. I suck my lips in and try not to let it show on my face that I want to cry.

Boggs and Gale and other people with guns crowd around me as we enter the elevator and Boggs presses a button. Then something he said earlier makes its way into my muddy brain.

I can see Katniss.

She is alive.

I am alive.

It's all I can do to keep myself from smiling. It is a foreign feeling, being happy like this when I haven't smiled in so long. I've been trapped in this hellhole for so many weeks. Tortured. Drowned, beaten, electrocuted, burned, you name it.

The elevator opens again and we run through more hallways and doors. I mean, you would think they'd slow down for me. Being in a horrible condition and all. I was _kidnapped _and _tortured_, but, you know.

We collect Johanna and Annie along the way. It seems a little too easy, in my opinion. I (painfully) jog along until we reach a door with big red EXIT letters. I'm half expecting alarms to sound, someone to jump out and yell,_ Gotcha! Now back to your room._ No one does.

I couldn't run very well before, what with my prosthetic leg and all, and in my condition I'm lucky I can even stand straight. My body screams in protest at my running, but I tell it to shut up. The promise of freedom and Katniss make me book it as fast as I can until we reach that door.

While running, I notice that all the guards and people walking through the hall are lying on the ground unconscious. I find it in me to wonder how they knocked everybody out. Maybe they used some kind of gas. Maybe they're dead.

We reach a hovercraft outside. This one doesn't have the Capitol seal anywhere on it, and I feel like dropping to my knees and singing _Hallelujah_. The sun beats down on us and I squint. I haven't seen the sun in so long, I want to stay outside and soak up as much sunlight as I can, but I know I can't.

As soon as we're inside the hovercraft, I pass out. Maybe it's lack of sleep, or the throbbing gash on my head from the torture session yesterday, or perhaps it's the fact that I can close my eyes without being scared shitless of what will be there when I open them. All I know is that my eyes close as soon as I take a seat on this hovercraft. I don't know how I trusted these people so immediately, but I guess with Gale among them I knew they'd lead me to Katniss.

I know I'm safe now. These people won't hurt me, and I have to remind myself of this constantly on the way to District 13.

I think about Katniss. I wonder what our reunion will be like. I hope she'll forgive me for calling for a cease-fire. I hope she'll understand that I wasn't myself, that wasn't me. God, I just don't want anyone getting hurt. So maybe it was me. But I don't care if she's angry with me. I just want to see her face, know that she's in front of me in the flesh.

Then I wonder a little too much. This whole time that I've been tortured, held hostage by the Capitol, has she cared? Why would they come for me now, why not sooner? Are she and Gale together now? She never even cared about me in the first place, and she's always cared about Gale.

_No._ That's not true. I know she cares about me. She may not love me like I thought she did in the first Games, but she does care. She was planning on dying in the Quarter Quell to save me. The devil on my shoulder keeps nagging that it took weeks for them to rescue me. If Katniss was the Mockingjay and I was her first priority, they would have come sooner. The angel on my shoulder reminds me of her face when Finnick saved my life in the Quell.

Well, who cares? I chide myself. She's alive and happy, that should be enough.

When I wake up, we're almost to District 13. I decide to ask Boggs for some answers to the questions bouncing around in my brain.

"Boggs?" My voice is thick with sleep.

He looks at me. "Yeah?"

"Why did you guys decide to come rescue me? Whose idea was it?" He opens his mouth but I'm not done. "Was it Katniss's? Why didn't you come sooner? Or later? Why now? And why didn't Katniss come? Why's Gale here?" Questions find their way out of my mouth before I have any clue what I'm even asking anymore.

"Slow down, Peeta," he says quickly. "Katniss had a panic attack, if you have to know so badly. She wouldn't do anything anymore, she was afraid of how Snow would take it out on you. She wanted to get you sooner, but it just wasn't a good idea." He hesitates for a moment before going on. "I know you think the whole star-crossed lovers thing was fake on her part, but she does care about you. " He probably isn't used to giving teenage boys relationship advice, but I'm thankful for the gesture.

She broke down? Because of me?

Nobody can function if the Mockingjay won't function. If she broke down, they were probably tripping over themselves to do what she wanted. I'll be with the Mockingjay soon, so I just nod and try to sleep the rest of the way. At least not everything's gone to shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**hope u like cheeseball endings**

The next time I wake up, I'm in a white room. At first I think I dreamed up the whole rescue mission and I'm back in my room in the Capitol. But then I hear voices, so I look up tiredly.

"Boggs?" I croak, hopeful after I see and recognize his face.

"Hey Peeta. You're finally awake," he says skeptically, squinting at me.

"How bad am I?" I feel the soreness of my body when I try to move, but some of the cuts seem to have healed.

"Record breaking bumps and bruises. You had a concussion, a bone in your arm is fractured, you have a fever, and you lost a lot of blood from that huge gash on your head," he tells me. The fracture explains why my arm hurt so badly when Boggs grabbed it. Even so, I'm surprised my injuries are so minimal. You'd have thought all the bones in my body were broken.

"How long have I been sleeping?"

Boggs checks his watch. "We got here in the morning yesterday. It's about eleven at night now."

"Can I see Katniss?" I ask quietly.

"Later," he tells me. "You need to stay here for a little bit. We aren't sure how stable your condition is. A doctor will be in soon to check on you."

That's stupid. "That's stupid. I'm stable, I promise. Can't Katniss just come here?" This is stupid and dumb and dumb and stupid. I was _kidnapped_ and _tortured,_ why can't she just come to my room?

Boggs says with finality, "Peeta, you need to rest."

"Apparently I've been resting for over a day! Did you people sedate me? Plus, I feel fine." Not completely true. I feel better than I did yesterday, obviously, but I have a painful headache and I feel my arm is in a sling across my stomach. I'm lying down, and when I try to stand up Boggs tells me to stay put.

"You're pretty beat up, Peeta. Just wait. Katniss isn't going anywhere. She's been begging to see you too."

Then why the hell can't she? I heave an exasperated sigh. At least she wants to see me.

"But I don't want to sleep. I'm wide awake. Can't the doctor just check on me now? I feel peachy, bring him in."

Boggs sighs. He nods and walks out of the room.

Katniss is here, so close to me that I could probably get up and walk to her. It drives me crazy.

A man walks into my hospital room. I just stare at the wall. In my peripheral vision I see he's wearing a white shirt with dull gray pants and a stethoscope is slung across the back of his neck.

"Hi Peeta. I'm Doctor Campbell, just here to check on you. How are you feeling?" He talks slowly, like he isn't sure how I'll react. When I finally look up at him, he unwraps the stethoscope from his neck.

"My head hurts," I complain. I've been through hell, I'm allowed to complain. Bite me.

"That's all right. I can give you painkillers for that."

He listens to my heart, checks my eyes and ears. Normal check up procedures, I assume. They must have really fixed me up because I feel a lot better compared to how I felt yesterday. Then again, no one has tried to beat me senseless today for information I don't have.

The doctor deems me well and leaves my painkillers and a glass of water on a table by my hospital bed. I quickly swallow them and I'm just deciding to take a nap when Haymitch walks in without warning. I think I actually jump a little.

"Haymitch," I say, surprised.

"Hey kid. Look at you. You're alive," he chuckles.

Ha. Glad you think it's funny. "Would you like to explain to me why you didn't tell Katniss and me about the grandiose plan you pretended not to have interest in? It kinda got Johanna and me kidnapped." I've had a long time to think about what he did, how he kept so much from us.

The look on my face makes him laugh.

"You're taking it a lot better than Katniss did. She tried to claw my eyes out."

That doesn't surprise me. "She tried to claw your eyes out." I won't deny that I want to. A little.

"She was pretty pissed, same as you. I explained everything to her, and then she asked where you were. When I told her the Capitol had you, she lost it," Haymitch explains.

"Oh." I stare at the floor.

Haymitch is quiet for a moment and it's pretty awkward, but then we hear a low buzzing sound and he suddenly announces that he has to go.

"Wait," I sit up. "When can I see Katniss?" He's gone so fast, he doesn't answer. In his hurry to leave, he doesn't shut the door all the way. I can hear everything outside.

I jump up, ready to chase after him despite the pain that follows. Guess the painkillers haven't kicked in yet. But then I hear a scream and freeze dead in my tracks. Not a scared scream or a hurt scream, but a furious scream. A familiar scream.

"Katniss! Calm down!" I hear Haymitch whisper urgently. "He'll hear you."

Idiot. He's the one who left the door open.

"Why does everyone get to see him except me? That isn't fair, and you know it!" Hearing her voice, even as irritated as it sounds, jars me to my core.

"Relax. You can see him soon. Just let me check with the doctor, make sure all that's happened hasn't traumatized him. We wanna make sure Snow didn't brainwash him or something."

So they thought I was traumatized, in shock, and brainwashed. They probably just sent Haymitch in as a test, to make sure I didn't freak out. Understandable, but Katniss has seen me worse than this.

"Fine," she snaps. I hear Haymitch walk off. Katniss taps her foot on the ground impatiently and it takes all my willpower to just stand there. A stupid door is the only thing separating us right now. But I haven't stood up in a day, my whole body is aching, and I very well might be in shock. All I can do is walk back over to my bed, stand beside it, and watch the door. I listen for any changes on the other side.

After an eternity, I hear footsteps.

"You can go see him." That was Dr. Campbell. "Just let me warn him first."

Oops. I just make it under the sheets before he pokes his head in. "Hey Peeta. Someone wants to see you. That okay?"

I nod excitedly, but stop immediately because I feel like my brain is slamming around inside my head. I manage to let out a small, "Ow." He removes my arm sling revealing a cast, puts more painkillers on the table, and walks out the door. It's left cracked open again.

The doctor speaks to Katniss. "I'll give you two some privacy. If he shows any signs of going into shock or anything of the sort, press the button by the bed."

"Thank you," Katniss breathes anxiously. He walks off.

I hear Katniss take a deep breath. Take a step forward. Rest her hand on the doorknob. Another deep breath. Then she walks into the room.

I don't hesitate in flinging the sheets off myself and running to meet her.

When she sees me, her eyes widen and she gasps. "Peeta!" Katniss runs and I run and we stumble into each other's arms somewhere in the middle.

"Hey," I say weakly.

She's sobbing. "I didn't— know if— you were— still— alive and I— didn't know what— Snow— was doing do you and I— " She buries her head into my chest, staining my shirt with her tears. Her arms lock themselves around me and she clings to my waist.

"Shh, Katniss," I try to calm her down. "I'm fine now."

"I know. I know." She pulls back to look at me, as if to judge that for herself.

I stare into her warm, tearful gray eyes, and I'm completely at peace. The pain is gone. She runs her fingers through my hair smiling ear to ear, tears still running down her cheeks, and it's different this time. No hallucinations of Katniss, no more wishing she's with me, because this time she really is.

It happens so fast, I don't even have time to react or even think what she's doing. She stretches on her toes and gently kisses me.

I've always been so worried that she didn't want me. And I knew she didn't. It was all for the Games, she all but said the words herself. She was keeping us alive, keeping our families and friends alive by pretending to love me for the cameras. I, obviously, was never pretending and she knew that. While I was being held prisoner, all the days she didn't come I assumed she was spending time being the Mockingjay, forgetting about me because the war was more important. I thought nobody showing up was her indirect way of choosing Gale. _Sorry Peeta, we're gonna leave you for dead while we skip off into the sunset. _But if that were true, she wouldn't be kissing me here, now, with no cameras present and nobody trying to kill us.

The moment is so sweet, when I pull back to make sure she's not crazy, I mentally kick myself.

"Katniss?" I ask slowly.

She blinks. "Yeah?"

"I'm a little..." What's a good word? "Confused…" What an extensive vocabulary I have.

Just then, Dr. Campbell comes back into the room. So much for giving us privacy. It's a little embarrassing with Katniss and I standing so close, so I let all of her go except her hand and smile politely at the doctor. "Yes?"

"You're free to walk around the district, Peeta. But we're giving you this hospital bracelet that identifies you as 'slightly unstable' because you seem to be acting normal, but we still aren't completely sure of everything that happened to you at the Capitol." I've been acting normal. No surprise, they've been spying on me. "We ask that you do maintain a schedule as the rest of us here in District Thirteen. If you have any questions about our routine, you can ask Katniss." He briefly smiles at her. "And if at any time you feel dizzy, uncomfortable, sick, or your arm is hurting, please come back to the hospital."

"I will, thanks." I take the bracelet in the hand that isn't holding Katniss's.

Dr. Campbell nods in response and walks out.

"I guess I'm free. You'll have to show me how everything works here," I say.

"I don't mind," she replies, taking the bracelet and fastening it on my wrist. A smile plays at the corner of her mouth. When she finishes, she holds my hand again.

"Where's Gale?" I ask. Katniss tenses and her hand grows stiff.

"He's still being examined. A lot of people got hurt when they went to rescue you." Her voice is low. It sounds guilty.

I guess I didn't really notice anyone else since, at the time, I was concentrating on running without collapsing. Breaking into the Capitol probably got a lot of people hurt. But that isn't really what I was asking.

"I assumed… you, um... and Gale…" Yes, extensive vocabulary. I focus on the floor, praying she'll get the gist of what I'm saying.

A little puff of air escapes her lips. "I don't think… he and I could ever, you know, be together. I think President Snow knew that too. Gale knew as much about the rebellion as he assumed you did. He knew that Gale was important to me. Snow could have taken him anytime he wanted to. It would have been a lot easier for him. But he didn't. He took you because he thought it would break me. And apparently, as long as I live, the rebellion lives." When I look up at her, she's staring at the ground, looking troubled and irritated.

So she's choosing me. No cameras, no one hanging a sword over our heads. She is choosing me, really. I feel a smile make its way onto my face. My face grows warm, but not from the fever.

"So, what you're saying is…"

"I'm choosing you, Peeta," Katniss says, echoing my thoughts. She peaks up at me under her lashes.

First I take a minute to process that. Wow. Then I place a hand on her cheek. To make sure this is real. And then I kiss her. I really kiss her. There's no confusion on my part, no doubt on hers. We're kissing because we want to, not because the whole country is watching.

My whole body is buzzing. I don't feel my injuries anymore. When we finally pull away, Katniss still insists I take the painkillers the doctor left, so I do.

We walk out of the room hand in hand. We pass Finnick and Annie in the hallway outside another room. "Peeta! Great to see you looking well," Finnick tells me. He has one arm wrapped protectively around Annie's waist.

"You too, Finnick." I smile at him.

When we get back to Katniss's compartment, I look around and raise my eyebrows; it's empty. She tells me that Prim and her mother are working on the people that were hurt from the rescue mission back at the hospital.

She sits me down and tells me everything. First, all the basics of District 13. That's a lot, let me tell you. From the boring gray uniforms (they must have put me in one while I was passed out because that's what I'm wearing) (gray isn't really my color), to the set food amounts, it all seems really stupid. Necessary, I guess. But stupid all the same.

Then, she fills me in on what I missed about the rebellion, confirming much of what I had guessed while in the Capitol. She tells me how District 12 was destroyed.

She hesitates, but eventually tells me that my family didn't make it.

That doesn't really sink in.

They can't be gone, can they? My family is dead. I can't even remember the last time I saw them, the last things I said to them. My mother wasn't really kind. She was abusive, actually. But she did at least mean something to me. And my brothers, dead. My father, the only person who I was sure loved me, dead. Dead. Blown to bits. Not alive. Bye-bye. No longer breathing.

It's hard to picture my house reduced to rubble. It's hard to picture my family a pile of ashes.

I'm angry. This whole war makes me angry. I feel a tear slide down my cheek and I'm angry at that too, but I doubt Katniss will care. The tears flow freely now, and she just silently wipes them away with her fingers.

"I'll leave you alone for a while. If you need me, I'll be at the hospital with Mother and Prim." She smiles weakly, gives me a small hug, and leaves.

That's when I begin to cry. Sobs just rip through me before I can stop them. I doubt I'd be able to stop them, they're so forceful.

I'll miss my family. Their faces flash in my mind, they're voices seem to echo in the room. I say a silent goodbye to each of them.

When I remember Snow, everything washes in red and my head throbs. Not from my headache, the painkillers have erased that, but from sheer anger at the bastard.

Some time later, when my sobs die down, I find myself pacing back and forth just for something to do. I sit on a bunker, and then pace again, but I end up in front of a drawer.

It may be a little nosy of me, but I open the drawer. In it, I find the spile that we used in the Quarter Quell, and the parachute that delivered it. This is Katniss's drawer.

The spile is newly cleaned; so shiny I can see my reflection in it. My eyes are red and puffy and my face is covered in cuts. They're healing, but they're there. I don't look like myself at all. My cheeks looked caved in, my skin looks too pale. I put the spile back. I find another set of Katniss's government-issued clothes, and the locket I gave her. I unlatch it and study the pictures of Katniss' mother, Prim, Gale. Then I find the pearl. It's the pearl I gave her the last night in the arena. She kept this? I wonder how she held on to all this stuff.

Looking at the pearl gives me hope. The Capitol has succeeded in taking my family away from me. They took my friends, my home, but they can't take away Katniss. We always seem to find a way back to each other. No matter what Snow does, I know Katniss and I will face this rebellion, and our losses, and whatever else, together.

"Always," I whisper to myself. Partly for confirmation and partly because I like the way the word sounds. Katniss and me. Me and Katniss. Always together. Together always.

"Peeta?" I didn't hear Katniss approach, but she's standing in the doorway. She sees the pearl in my hand and grins up at me, her eyes glowing with fondness. She walks over and takes both my hands in hers, slipping the pearl from my hand into her own.

"Always," she says, her voice light, and kisses me.

_Katniss Everdeen, I swear I'll always find my way back to you._


End file.
